How to divorce successfully

Photograph of a Ford Mustang V6. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As I am writing this post, I am sitting listening to some good music, enjoying an antipasto plate with a glass of Shiraz and I have great company to share this with. In fact, I am staying with my ex-husband of 11 years.  I’ve been here a couple of nights, we are in separate rooms and we are really really good mates. We have been separated all this time and we made a pact that despite what happened between us we would keep our family as protected and safe as can be. We decided to remain friends and that our girls would go on holidays with mum and dad, have dinner out together and we would celebrate things together. We did that, and still do. Actually both our girls are grown up and not even here tonight.

So eleven years on I am writing this blog post on my laptop and my ex is on his laptop chatting in the Mustang forum. I actually just produced a video of his new Mustang so he could post on the forum.  He thinks that’s pretty cool.

Here are my ideas on splitting up, especially if you have children together.  “You once were madly in love, you created a child or children together and it was based on love. Circumstances changed in life, things happened, yet love is all that matters. I am talking about LOVE not lust, or romance.”

So as I type this post, discussing with my ex about the next concert we are going to attend together, I smile knowing that my best friend and I will always be role models for our children and they grew up in a happy family. Not the norm, but happy! 🙂

I miss good old-fashioned manners

What ever happened to good old-fashioned manners? Is it really that difficult for people to stop and consider others?  Today I’m heading back home from the Sydney’s CBD to up the coast.  So far, I’ve nearly been knocked over by some guy who was racing up the stairs to get a train and I was at the top. We were heading for a Deb tumbling down the stairs for sure, so with my superwoman powers I managed to avoid the collision.

Then I get on my train, and the back carriage is supposedly a ‘silent carriage’ so people like me who wish to work or read can do so without listening to other people’s phone conversations, loud music personal conversations.  Yes, great idea Cityrail but no one monitors it! This particular quiet carriage has a mob of teenagers playing loud music and swearing, another group of people talking in some foreign language so I don’t even get to eavesdrop and someone else slurping their drink…GROSS!!!!

I could say something but last time I opened my mouth on a late train I got abused by a guy, then another guy came to my rescue and they ended up in a punch-up, joined by other guys and I had to call 000!

Yes, once upon a time people had manners.

I challenge anyone who reads this post to smile at 5 strangers today!  Here’s mine 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Today I had a phone call from my eldest daughter, Emma.

Emma reminds me of me in so many ways that I often think she is a mini-me.  Grace, on the other hand is so like her father it’s ridiculous.

Emma lives in the country of NSW, actually in the same town as my parents. She lives with her boyfriend who I adore, and even though they are young, they have my blessing to build a future together. I feel they are made for each other and I couldn’t ask for a better boy to be with my girl.

Emma left school at 16.

“Just like her mum”.

She made a mistake and has tried to compensate for it ever since. She’s worked as a casual  and permanent child care assistant in the country town, she even tried to sell network marketing and has done everything she can to be independent.

“Just like her mum”.

Emma faces challenges and stays cools.

“Just like her mum”.

Emma doesn’t ask for help.

“Just like her mum”.

Emma trusts and believes in her own abilities that everything will be OK.

“Just like her mum”.

Emma never gives up.

“Just like her mum”.

Today Emma called me to tell me that it’s been a couple of weeks now and she has no work on and is doing everything she can to get a job in a bank or office.

She is studying for a Business degree part-time and I’m so proud of her, because she will end up with a University Degree.

“Not like her mum”.

Emma has knocked on doors with her CV, she has been to interviews but always someone has more skills than her. Her mum, who is also a recruiter as well as in the motivational speaking industry,  knows what she faces. I see it every day with young students that don’t get a look in for whatever reason and it breaks my heart.  Emma faces one more obstacle: She lives in a country town, however close to two main towns Forster and Taree, NSW.

I can’t hire Emma she lives too far away but I’d give her a job just on her attitude, and not just because I’m her mum. This kid really rocks.

The reason for this blog? I’m hoping someone in my network, which is a vast online network, might read this and just might know someone who wants a “can do and will do 21-year-old” and give her a chance in Taree or Forster. Big call I know, what else can a mother do? Maybe I am jeopardizing my professional reputation writing this but I’m a risk taker and you do whatever you can to help your children.

While I am at it. I’ve taken another accounts candidate of mine under my wing. His attitude for getting a job is out of this world, he is more than qualified but his English is not 100%. He writes to me every day asking for my advice and I can’t help but give him my time because he tries so hard.  I would love to hear from anyone looking for an Accounts Clerk in Melbourne who hire on attitude and dedication because I have your man. No recruitment fee needed I’m just paying it forward.

I’m a confident woman

NYC – Bank of New York Building (Photo credit: wallyg)

Last November I visited New York for the first time in my life and I was a woman on a mission.  I wanted to experience being a mature woman on her own who was confident enough to go to a bar by herself order a drink and not feel intimidated. I also wanted to be able to do this without being self-conscious or be someone who had to be playing with her mobile phone for security.

Did I do it? YES! I didn’t have a choice really. This is what happened:  I landed after the very long trip via Hong Kong (which adds more hours on), and when I finally arrived in New York and I went straight to my hotel www.yotel.com (I highly recommend this place…so trendy).

Now picture this: I had flown over to New York because my business was nominated for an award. I arrived at my hotel around 11.45 pm. On the way via to NY I had stopped in Hong Kong and had dinner with my brother who is an international airline pilot and flies to Hong Kong frequently.  I boarded my plane for NY and he boarded his plane to fly it back to Sydney.  As I enter my room filled with excitement, happiness, achievement and elation I look at the window and soak in the fact I’m in the one city I always wanted to be in.

Phone rings.

It’s my brother who I had seen a number of hours earlier in Hong Kong. He says, “Mum has had a massive stroke it’s really bad”…..

I sit down in disbelief.  Total disbelief.  This can’t be happening, this can’t be true.

By now it is midnight.  After my phone call I decide I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I want to scream and I’ve already cried. There is only one thing to do. Go out by myself and go get a drink in a bar.

I did it! I did it without feeling self-conscious, I chatted to a local and for 30 minutes and shared my story.

Today, mum has had another stroke and we battle on.  As I close this year off I think back and really have to admit it’s been a hard one, yet I type this smiling.

I’ve had more experiences to add to my already very unusual and eventful life, and one of them is….I can go to any bar in any city by myself and have a drink and just watch the people go by….and of course chat to those that come up to me. 😉

I wish all my readers a Happy Christmas and a fantastic 2013….. I look forward to the coming year with great anticipation and I have a goal…..I’m going back to NYC!

I have one tip: Get out of your comfort zone it does wonders for your life.

I am NOT a Christmas Grinch…well maybe I am.

My daughter recently sms’d me a message and called me GRINCH….lol…made me laugh because I think I am a Grinch…and only because I see Christmas in a different light than most.

A very urgent and important message for Facebook Users

Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had dinner last night with a very good friend of mine and  to protect her privacy I will refer to her as Bailey (not her real name).  We were chatting about the internet and Bailey told me a very disturbing incident that happened to her on Facebook.  She had received a friend request from someone she is already friends with.  Bailey presumed the friend had cancelled her Facebook account and decided to rejoin, so Bailey accepted the request. Note here: Bailey only has her personal friends on Facebook, not randoms that have tried to connect with her.

When  Bailey was online, her friend started to Private Message her. They exchanged PM’s for about 5 minutes when Bailey became a bit suspicious, the language seemed to be a little odd and not how ‘her friend’ would normally speak.  So Bailey asked her correspondent a question she knew the answer to which was, ‘what’s your son’s name again?” The reply was “I forgot”.

Bailey immediately stopped talking to this person and blocked their profile.  Here is the scary bit, the profile was an exact duplicate of her real friend’s profile. The photos and status updates were identical!

This story deeply disturbs me, it’s the worst Facebook deception I have ever heard of and I plead for you to share this post and tell everyone to be very very careful on Facebook.  If you smell a rat…even an inkling of one…it probably is.

On another note, I am always receiving requests to become friends with men I don’t know. I can tell immediately they are fakes by their loving photos, good values, they are friends with only women, they mention the world ‘christian’ and often talk about how they are looking for that true love. Their status updates are minimal and the music and films they like don’t match the profile. What concerns me is a lot of my real female friends are actually ‘friends’ with these crooks.  I block all of them and am actually now going through all my Facebook ‘friends’ and deleting all I really don’t know.  It’s a lot of work but worth it. As a recruiter I have always accepted new friends (except as described above), however now I realise no amount of exposure is worth it

A big responsibility tomorrow!

Tomorrow I am speaking at the end of year event for the SISTER2sister program www.lifechangingexperiences.org

I feel honoured to have been asked to speak at the very important end of year event. I realise that with my talk, comes a huge responsibility.  A responsibility to add value to the lives of teenage girls who have been disadvantaged in life.

About the mentoring program

The SISTER2sister program takes in up to 50 at risk teenage girls per year per program along with their respective Big Sister mentors. Each of the girls in our program is assigned a Big Sister mentor as a positive female role model to provide support, guidance and advice, where needed, throughout the 12 month program.

The Big Sister mentors attend a comprehensive three day training course prior to being “matched” to their Little Sister. The course is designed to equip the Big Sister mentors with requisite skills and information that will ensure they can handle the various issues which may arise. The course also includes information on their legal obligations relating to their duty of care responsibilities, the health and welfare issues of the girls, and additional avenues of appropriate community support that may be necessary in certain circumstances.

The program commences with the four day Butterfly Bootcamp, where the Little Sisters meet their Big Sister mentors for the first time and together attend various team building workshops that enable them to bond and set a foundation for their mentoring relationship for the months to follow. There are seminars on risk management and independent survival skills that provide various tools and strategies for coping and working through the challenging circumstances they have encountered, may encounter during the year and for life in general. The workshops are designed to teach the girls to empower themselves, develop their self esteem, boost their confidence and encourage them to work together towards goals. Also included are some unique “life changing experiences” all of which make the Butterfly Bootcamp a rewarding and memorable experience.

Once the Butterfly Bootcamp has concluded, the program continues with monthly outings. These outings are held for the entire group of Little Sisters and Big Sister mentors within the program, and they include an educational workshop component which deals with risk or life management issues together with a fun, motivational component which includes activities such as painting with an artist, learning to surf, trapezing or cooking classes!

Little Sisters and Big Sister mentors also have the opportunity to meet on a one on one basis should they choose to do so, in line with the Foundation’s policy.

Please visit the website and get involved.

If I Could

Today 14 years ago my brother died. When I found out my brother had taken his life, my world collapsed. 14 years on it is still a vivid memory and doesn’t seem that long ago.  This is my tribute to him today.  We were in the middle of writing a children’s book called “If I Could” about a little boy with big dreams. I was writing the book and Gary was doing the artwork which is featured in this video. I couldn’t finish the  book because Gary hadn’t finished all the illustrations. The little boy featured in each drawing is actually his self-portrait. I promised one day I would show the world his art so today is it. The original paintings are vibrant colours and extremely detailed, Gary was indeed gifted.

Megan Dalla-Camina, Director of Strategy at IBM, coach, speaker and author

Join us on Wednesday, 28 November for the AMCHAM annual Women in Leadership End of Year Networking Evening.

Megan Dalla-Camina, Director of Strategy at IBM, coach, speaker and author, will be sharing thoughts from her newly released book ‘Getting Real About Having It All: Be Your Best, Love Your Career and Bring Back Your Sparkle’.

Megan is represented by Voxy Lady who is sponsoring this event. Hope to see you there!  MORE DETAILS HERE

Using video to invites guests to your celebration

Looking for something different to invite people to your celebration? How about a customised video invitation?

Invites by Video is the perfect solution for weddings, anniversary, 21st, children’s party, christening, special birthdays, engagements and more! Choose one of our video invitations and we will customise it with your photos and event details ready for you to send via email put on Facebook etc.

Here’s how it works

1. Purchase one of our video invitations from the range CLICK HERE
2. We will contact you within 12 hours to request your photos and event details so we can customise the video for your event
3. Once we receive your photos and event details we embed them in the video and guarantee that you have the video within 24 hours OR your money back and you keep the video invitation

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St Vincent de Paul Society, Fundraiser.

Join Matthew Jukes for a unique live wine tasting experience enjoying Canberra’s finest wines alongside one of the world’s best Wine Critics. 

Matthew Jukes is the 2012 Honorary Australian of the year for his work for the Australian Wine Industry and is responsible for the emergence of Australia as one of the premier wine regions around the world. Matthew is a world renowned author for his Top 100 wine books.  

Matthew will be joined by some of the region’s best wine makers as they take you on a guided tasting journey of a selection of Canberra’s finest wines in a unique, not to be missed opportunity.

 Join Matthew on Tuesday 13^th November at Old Parliament House for an evening of Education, Fine Wine and Fine Food$150/head or $1250 per table of 10

   ** All proceeds from this event will be donated to the St Vincent de Paul Society Canberra/Goulburn

 

Dealing With Change

Last year’s birthday before the change

Today is my birthday.

I woke up thinking…hmmm what is in store for the next year because the last year has been, shall we say, challenging.

Challenging is good, challenging makes us stronger.

So the last year I’ve had to: change things in my business; mum had two strokes; I moved out of Sydney and I won’t bore you with the rest!

I’ve spent this last week looking after my mother at my parent’s country property in NSW, and this is why I’m writing this post. You see, I’m used to being a free agent, do what I want when I want, used to my own space and basically totally self-absorbed – if I’m to be really honest.

But not this week! My mum needs someone with her all the time, she can’t dress herself, she can’t be left alone, she can do limited housework, can’t shower herself and she can’t use her left arm and hand.  I’m up here  to care for her because dad had to go away for a few days, and he’s her full-time carer.

What a shock for Deb!

I’m humbled that I’ve had the opportunity to learn from this experience. For the last few days I haven’t been able to do what I want, I can’t  go to the coffee shop for the soy latte, because I can’t leave mum alone and she doesn’t want to come. I haven’t really been able to work, however, I did manage to get a new website up and running www.invitesbyvideos.com and what’s nice about that mum was able to be involved by giving me her opinion on the videos.  No I’m not saying “Poor Me” I’m actually getting to the point, so stay with me.

Watching my mother go from being an able-bodied woman to having to have a constant carer has meant a change for all of us, but especially mum.  Dad had to quit his work to be a full-time carer, mum had to learn to walk again and many other challenges, I’ve had to make changes to try to help, and we all wish we could have our lives back the way they were.

There have been times where I’ve wondered ‘why us?,’ and wished life could go back the way it was.  I’ve come to learn that you live in the ‘now’ because that’s really all there is….now!

What has come out of this is that a family has united together, made adjustments and dealt with a change we didn’t want! I think we are doing a good job actually.

As I enter another year I’m thinking it can only go up from here.

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